The cranky post

A friend of mine chastised me for not keeping up the blog. I haven't been sure what to post--I didn't want to phone something in, but haven't had the full time, energy, and enthusiasm for something elaborate.

So anyway, I thought I'd try to at least get something out there with a few quick hits, touching on a few pet peeves. Because, you know, I don't think anyone has ever used his blog to vent about pet peeves before, so I'm breaking really fresh ground here.

1. Dear radio ad makers: I'll fully admit that loud sound effects, although annoying, can be attention-getting. However, before you plan your next ad with honking horns, screeching tires, and the sounds of one car smashing into another one, please let me draw your attention to a little-known statistic that your demographic studies might have overlooked: Apparently, many people actually listen to the radio while driving. Who knew? So a side effect of this hidden population of car-driving radio listeners is that sound effects that make these drivers think that they're in imminent danger of being smashed to bits are probably a bad idea. Sorry to spoil your fun.

2. Dear retail sales force: I understand that this is the holiday season and that you're overworked and underpaid and all that jazz. I sympathize. But please understand that when we're searching your labyrinthine stores for a particular item to no avail, and when we finally manage to track down someone to ask for help, the last thing in the world we want to hear is "If we had it, it would be..." (usually accompanied by a vague arm gesture that encompasses half the store and outer Mongolia). I want precision. I want to know whether you have it or not, where the heck it is, and, if you don't have it, where I can find it and how you can help to get one for me. The next time I hear "If we had it, it would be..." my head is going to spin around.

3. I love Santa Claus. I love the whole idea of Santa Claus. I love talking about Santa Claus with my boys. You know what I don't love? Santa Claus "outers": people who seem to go out of their way to make it difficult for me to help my kids believe in Santa Claus a little longer. Seeing a cheap, poorly outfitted Santa Claus every place I turn around hacks me off. How am I supposed to explain the contrast between the Santa whose lap they sit on in our planned trip to the mall to visit Santa and the scrawny Santa with the beard recklessly slipping off slouched at the front of Half-Price Books with no damn warning? Or the Santa waving from the photo store at the mall? Or the Santa making a special surprise appearance at the neighborhood gathering? There shouldn't be a Santa Claus at every single damn retail establishment in America. If you feel you must have a Santa Claus, follow these rules:

• Have a good one.
• Have a prominent sign letting parents know what to expect when they walk into your store or attend your event.
• Put Santa off somewhere away from the center of things or else surrounded by Christmas decorations so that the only people who actually see him are the people who want to see him.

Don't foist your bad Santas on me!

4. Oh, and while you're at it, suggesting to my wife, in front of our five-year-old, that something would make a good stocking stuffer? Probably a bad idea. Santa stuffs stockings, not Mom and Dad. Moron.

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DM of the Rings

This whole series of strips is absolutely hilarious, particularly to anyone who has played in role-playing games in general and D&D in particular. The irreverant take on The Lord of the Rings series had my laughing out loud. Very funny stuff.

Check it out.

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Alas, poor Pluto

So poor Pluto has been demoted (or, as Dina put it, "riffed").

I've heard a rumor (okay, I'm starting a rumor) about a new cottage industry of professionals who are going around to little kids' houses and elementary schools and yanking Pluto off of their toy solar systems. And another industry recycling those Plutos into balls for the Hungry Hungry Hippos game.

Anyone else think that this demotion is a Machiavellian move by the Solar System Toy Mafia to get people to buy all new eight-planet solar system sets? And then, a few years down the road, the SSTM will get the ruling turned over and promote Charon and Xena to planet status for a whole new slew of solar system sets? Poor Pluto is just caught in a temporary crossfire.

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Indy IV news scares Rob

My commentary below...

From Sci-Fi Wire:

Lucas: Indy IV Starts In 2007

George Lucas told Empire magazine that he, director Steven Spielberg and star Harrison Ford are aiming to shoot a proposed fourth Indiana Jones movie by mid-2007, with an eye to a 2008 release. But, he added, getting everyone back together may not be easy.

"Before, I was just working with Steven and Harrison," Lucas told the magazine. "Now everybody's a superstar, so it's a little bit more difficult than it was then."

As for the story? "We're basically going to do The Phantom Menace," Lucas said cryptically, referring to Star Wars: Episode I. "People's expectations are way higher than you can deliver. You could just get killed for the whole thing. ... We would do it for fun and just take the hit with the critics and the fans. ... But nobody wants to get into it unless they are really happy with it."

Lucas added: "The 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' situation has freed up an idea for a plot that was originally deemed too incendiary. I discovered a McGuffin. ... I told the guys about it, and they were a little dubious about it, but it's the best one we've ever found. ... Unfortunately, it was a little too 'connected' for the others. They were afraid of what the critics would think. They said, 'Can't we do it with a different McGuffin? Can't we do this?' and I said no. So we pottered around with that for a couple of years. And then Harrison really wanted to do it, and Steve said 'OK.' I said, 'We'll have to go back to that original McGuffin and take out the offending parts of it, and we'll still use that area of the supernatural to deal with it.'"

Okay. Is there any way that this doesn't sound like a horrible beginning to this movie?

First, we've got Lucas apparently calling a lot of the shots storywise. Lucas used to be an amazing talent, but I've seen precious little evidence that his talent remains these days, especially after the terrible Star Wars prequel trilogy, which showed that he'd lost touch with the human connection that any great story has to have.

Then we have his own lukewarm discussion of the McGuffin (MacGuffin is the preferred spelling, by the way). I understand that he's trying to talk about the movie without giving away actual details of what he's talking about, but he sounds completely unenthusiastic about it. If this movie is to be made, it needs to be a labor of love for the primary storytellers involved. They need to be engaged in it and excited about it, or it's going to be a terrible disappointment.

Finally, when he said "We're basically going to do The Phantom Menace"? My blood froze. I'd have felt better if he'd said "We're basically going to do Plan 9 from Outer Space" or "We're basically going to do Glitter" or even "We're basically going to do Gigli." What the hell is he talking about?

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The slop thickens

Have you been wondering just what the heck is in the slop that the food challenge losers on Big Brother All Stars have been forced to eat? I sure have. And it turns out, you can read more about it here. While it might be a decent, nourishing weight loss plan, I'm sure glad I get to eat real food while watching the poor BB gerbils suffer their fate.

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Monster name decoder

And more fun...

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Cyborg name decoder

Fun.

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Freaky spam

Very little spam makes it through my spam filters at work. A particularly odd, almost poetic one made it through today (part of what's apparently a very strong campaign for me to increase the size of my private parts), from someone named Lakeisha. Just for giggles, I'll reproduce it below, without the link back to the spam site. I like the random capitalization, the lack of sentence-ending punctuation, the strange phrases like "From the sweetest wine the tartest vinegar."

Recently added Have more success with women and impress them with your power and stamina in bed

Bedroom and locker rooms are places where you can be proud of yourself Nature is here to enhance your manhood with safe and working products Imagine your tool grow and your prowess increase several times Forget what embarrassment in bed feels like, you're no longer small and weak What you need is all here, the most popular male products from worldwide

................From the sweetest wine the tartest vinegar Promises are like babies Easy to make, hard to deliver Every bush a man night time. Love conquers all

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Inventory: 13 memorably unpopular characters from popular TV

Check out the fun article on AV Club. I always disliked Scrappy Doo as a kid, but never quite realized why. Of course, this list includes a few I'm not very familiar with, and omits a few that I would definitely include:

1. "Lil" the crazy lady in the Boy Scout uniform on Survivor: Pearl Islands
2. Uni the unicorn on the classic Dungeons & Dragons cartoon (soon to be released on DVD, by the way!).
3. Dr. Gaius Baltar on the modern Battlestar Galactica, a character horribly out of sync with the rest of the show.
4. Ana-Lucia Cortez on Lost, for reasons that should be obvious to most who watched the show. Partially for a poorly written, poorly realized character and partially for Michelle Rodriguez's two-expression performances.
5. Dr. Pulaski from Star Trek: The Next Generation.
6. Rosalind Shays on L.A. Law (man, that actress had kind of specialized talent!).

I imagine I'll think of more later and regret not having included them. What are yours?

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Create that acronym

This site seems like a useful tool for just about any comic book writer or gamer. Fun stuff. Check it out.
My acronym of the day?

CLAW: Comprehensive Logistics and Analysis Worldwide, also known as Criminal Logistics and Agents Worldwide.

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Um, guys...

I just noticed a story on Excite News (originating from the AP). It's about a comedy routine that Brad Garrett (best know as Raymond's brother Robert on Everyone Loves Raymond) performed during a gathering of advertisers for Fox, where Fox was highlighting his new sitcom. He made some jokes about Paula Abdul (hey, who wouldn't?), and the story, called "New Sitcom Start Goes After Paula Abdul," deals with that.

The odd thing is the image that accompanied the story. It's not of Brad Garrett. It's of Leif Garrett, fallen 70s icon, appearing bruised, battered, and in a bright orange "they're making me wear this" shirt at a court hearing in Los Angeles.

You'd think someone would have caught that. Other than me.

Here's the link, although I suspect it will be fixed pretty soon: http://apnews.excite.com/article/20060519/D8HN1SIO0.html

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Don't forget: Tomorrow is Free Comic Book Day!

Make sure you drop by your friendly neighborhood comic book store and check it out. And hey--buy a comic or three while you're there, okay? Don't know where the closest stores are? Take a look right here.

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I can't help myself

According to an article on MSNBC.com, President Bush said today that, "I think people who want to be a citizen of this country ought to learn English...."

Sigh. Seems like it should be a requirement for presidents, too.

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Pneumonia, you know?

Sorry for the slow posting of late. I was on a roll, then got sick and it turned into pneumonia. I'm doing fine; I'm back at work, walking around, not coughing so much anymore, etc. But I'm tired a lot, so this is one thing that's fallen a bit behind. I'll be back to posting soon.

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West Wing election ends with moving episode

Particularly after reading Alan Sepinwall's review of the episode, I expected to be disappointed by last night's episode of The West Wing. I often find Sepinwall to be right on target with his analysis and he often captures my moods, too. But I found the episode surprisingly strong and moving, reinforcing my regret that the series has been canceled. I'd very much love to see what a new season with Santos in office would be like.

On the face of it, tying Leo's death in with election night ran a risk of cheapening the death of the character and the actor. But I found myself being impressed with the result. Yes, we missed out on a few reaction shots. I would have liked to see Toby's reaction, in particular. But Leo seemed to be present in every scene, every moment. We didn't see Margaret finding out, but we saw her face, her thoughts, in a brief glimpse, and that seemed enough. Yes, the staffers danced and were excited about developments, but I could practically feel Leo in the room with them, celebrating the victory, while I could also feel the sense of incredible loss from those who knew him best.

The president's phone call with the first lady. Josh's reflection in Leo's room. Vinnick's reaction to hearing about the death of a man he respected. All of these bits resonated with me. If we didn't have an episode coming up devoted to memorializing Leo, I might feel differently, but I thought that the juxtaposition of his death and the election fever was handled pretty gracefully.

Of course, there's lots of speculation as to who might be selected as the next VP. The safe money is on the Gary Cole character. But I have a feeling that the writers are going to go another way. My money right now is on Sam, despite his lack of experience in public office, but I see that as a bit of a wild card.

Dina and I were even wondering, after CJ's conversation with the president about whether he would have run again, continued to serve, if he'd been able, if perhaps they were suggesting that he might be the vice president. I'm not sure if that would even be legal, and I think it would really be a silly, implausible stretch. But I wouldn't be absolutely shocked if they went that route. Vinnick, too, would make a fun and interesting choice, even if the idea of Santos and Vinnick joining together is improbably idealistic. Of course, CJ has stepped in for Leo before, and might make a good choice. And Josh, though I'd expect him to be chief of staff, might be a good call.

In sum:
Safe money: Bob Russell
My bet: Sam Seaborn
Decent chance: CJ
Decent chance: Josh
Longshot: Vinnick
Longshot: Bartlet
Longshot: Hoynes

Interested in West Wing on DVD? Check out the links below.
Season One
Season Two
Season Three
Season Four
Season Five
Season Six

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